Husband – Man or Momma’s Boy?
It was a man who was 30 years old, married with two small children. The man said he made $45 thousand a year and had $90 thousand in credit card debt. The man admitted he had a compulsive spending problem. Dave asked him if he had a obsessive compulsive disorder or if he was just immature and unable to say no to himself. The man admitted he was just immature and wanted what he wanted when he wanted it regardless of cost.
Here comes the topic of this post.
The man then went on to say that since he couldn’t control his spending, he has handed all of his money and finances over to his MOTHER for her to handle. Yes, that’s right, a 30 year old man, who is married with two children is still having his mommy take care of him.
Dave Ramsey went on to tell this man that by allowing his mother handle his finances it would hurt his marriage and not help his finances. The man totally agreed and stated it was already hurting his marriage.
The call reminded me that there are too many men who, after marriage, are not able or unwilling to emotionally leave the comfort of their mother. They look at their wives and start to compare their wife to their mother. When “life” happens, I have noticed that a man who is a “momma’s boy” will think to themselves, “my mom wouldn’t have done that” or “my mom kept the house better” or “my mom made “x” for dinner” etc.
You Didn’t Marry Your Mother
Men (if you are reading) you didn’t marry your mother, so stop comparing your wife to her. The purpose of your mother was to nurture and raise you to be a man. Sadly too many mothers had bad relationships with their husbands so they put their son in a supportive/companion position. This is not healthy, not for the boy nor for the grown man.
No men, you married a women to be your wife, lover, and mother of your children…not your MOTHER, so don’t compare your wife to your mommy…..other than both being women, there are no other similarities and the two women in your life and the two women play two TOTALLY different rolls.
Men Leave Your Mother…
God knew there would be a problem with men being able to leave their mom’s, so much so the Bible says
the LORD made a woman out of the rib. The LORD God brought her to the man, and the man exclaimed, “Here is someone like me! She is part of my body, my own flesh and bones. She came from me, a man. So I will name her Woman!” That’s why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person. Genesis 2:22-24CEV
Jesus answered, “Don’t you know that in the beginning the Creator made a man and a woman? That’s why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. Then they are no longer two people, but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together.” Matthew 19:4-6 CEV
Dave Ramsey closed the call by setting this man up to attend Financial Peace University, a 13 week course in money management and also told him that a women wants a MAN who can take care of himself and his family. This is not to say that it isn’t important for an adult man to take care of his elderly mother, but taking care of a mother out of responsibility vs being emotionally attached to a mother instead of your wife are too totally different things.
An adult man having his mother handle his finances, iron his shirts, do his laundry, etc. rather than at home, etc. is very unattractive to a women, especially a wife. Short of an affair, a mother can come between a husband and a wife unless the boy grows up and becomes the MAN the women married.
Be A Man
So men, grow up and be a MAN. Tell your mother you love her but your first responsibility and priority is your wife. Men, don’t allow your mother to talk poorly about your wife, understand that a mother wants you to be her #1 priority and will manipulate you in order for you to put your wife second. Mothers have a great way of making a man feel guilty, time to tell your mom NO.
You are married, GROW UP, BE A MAN, your wife comes first…ALWAYS!